The M box

Posts Tagged ‘joke’

The Irish Doctor

Posted by jacktruong on October 29, 2008

A Doctor in Ireland wants to get off work and go play golf, so he approaches his assistant.

‘Seamus, I am going golfing tomorrow and don’t want to close the clinic,’ he says. ‘I want you to take care of the clinic and all me patients.’

‘Yes, sir!’ answers Seamus.

The doctor goes golfing, returns the following day and asks, ‘So, Seamus, how was your day?’

Seamus tells him that he took care of three patients. ‘The first one had a headache, so I gave him Tylenol.’

‘Bravo, Seamus, and the second one?’ asks the
doctor.

‘The second one had stomach burning and I gave him Maalox, sir,’ says Seamus.

‘Bravo, bravo! You’re good at this And what about th e third one?’ asks the doctor.

‘Sir, I was sitting here and suddenly the door opens and a woman bursts into the room. Quick as a wink she undresses herself, tearing off every stitch of clothing including her bra and her panties, and lies down on the table. She spreads her legs and shouts,

‘Help me, I beg you! It’s been five years since I’ve seen a man!’

‘Thunderin’ Lord Jesus, Seamus, what did you do?’ asks the doctor.

‘I put drops in her eyes.’

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Having sex on car

Posted by jacktruong on October 26, 2008

ok, here is some real hot stuff

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Memorandum

Posted by jacktruong on October 26, 2008

TO: All employees

FROM: The boss

DATE: January 28, 2008

RE: Foul Language

It has been brought to management’s attention that some individuals throughout the company have been using foul language during the course of normal conversation with their coworkers. Due to complaints received from some employees who are easily offended, this type of language will be no longer tolerated. We do, however, realize the critical importance of being able to accurately express your feelings when communicating with coworkers. Therefore, a list of new phrases has been provided so that proper exchange of ideas and information can continue in an effective manner without risk of offending our more sensitive employees.

TRY SAYING: Perhaps I can work late. INSTEAD OF: When the fuck do you expect me to do this?

TRY SAYING: I’m certain that is not feasible. INSTEAD OF: No fucking way!

TRY SAYING: Really? INSTEAD OF: You’ve got to be shitting me.

TRY SAYING: Perhaps you should check with . . . INSTEAD OF: Tell someone who gives a shit.

TRY SAYING: Of course I’m concerned. INSTEAD OF: Ask me if I give a shit.

TRY SAYING: I wasn’t involved in the project. INSTEAD OF: It’s not my fucking problem.

TRY SAYING: That’s interesting. INSTEAD OF: What the fuck?

TRY SAYING: I’m not sure I can implement this. INSTEAD OF: Fuck it, it won’t work.

TRY SAYING: I’ll try to schedule that. INSTEAD OF: Why the hell didn’t you tell me sooner?

TRY SAYING: Are you sure this is a problem? INSTEAD OF: Who the fuck cares?

TRY SAYING: He’s not familiar with the problem. INSTEAD OF: He’s got his head up his ass.

TRY SAYING: So you weren’t happy with it? INSTEAD OF: Kiss my ass.

TRY SAYING: I’m a bit overloaded at this moment. INSTEAD OF: Fuck it, I’m on salary.

TRY SAYING: I don’t think you understand. INSTEAD OF: Shove it up your ass.

TRY SAYING: I love a challenge. INSTEAD OF: This job sucks.

TRY SAYING: You want me to take care of that? INSTEAD OF: Who the hell died and made you boss?

TRY SAYING: I see. INSTEAD OF: Bite me.

TRY SAYING: Yes, we really should discuss it. INSTEAD OF: Another fucking meeting?

TRY SAYING: I don’t think this will be a problem. INSTEAD OF: I really don’t give a shit.

TRY SAYING: He’s somewhat insensitive. INSTEAD OF: He’s a fucking prick.

TRY SAYING: She’s an aggressive go-getter. INSTEAD OF: She’s a ball-busting bitch.

TRY SAYING: I think you could use more training. INSTEAD OF: What the fuck are you doing?

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Ask your boss for salary increase

Posted by jacktruong on October 25, 2008

One day an employee sends a letter to his boss asking for an increase in his salary!!!

Dear Bo$$

In thi$ life, we all need $ome thing mo$t de$perately.
I think you $hould be under$tanding of the need$ of u$ worker$ who have given $o much $upport including $weat and $ervice to your company
I am $ure you will gue$$ what I mean and re$pond $oon

Your$ $incerely

Norman $oh

The next day, the employee received this letter of reply

Dear NOrman

I kNOw you have been working very hard. NOwadays, NOthing much has changed. You must have NOticed that our company is NOt doing NOticeably well as yet

NOw the newspaper are saying the world`s leading ecoNOmists are NOt sure if the United States may go into aNOther recession. After the NOvember presidential elections things may turn bad

I have NOthing more to add NOw. You kNOw what I mean

Yours truly
Manager

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Nudist club

Posted by jacktruong on October 23, 2008

A man joined a very exclusive nudist colony.

On his first day he took off his clothes and started to wander around
the area.

A gorgeous petite blonde walked by, and the man immediately got an
erection.

The woman noticed his erection, came over to him and asked, did you call
for me?’

The man replied, ‘No, what do you mean?’ She said, ‘You must be new
here.

Let me explain. It’s a rule here that if you get an erection, it implies
you called for me.’

Smiling, she lead him to the side of the swimming pool, laid down on a
towel eagerly pulled him to her and happily let him have his way with
her.

Later, the man continued to explore the colony’s facilities. He entered
the sauna and as he sat down, he farted.

Within seconds a huge, hairy man lumbered out of the steam room toward
him. ‘Did you call for me?’ asked the hairy man.

‘No, what do you mean?’ replied the newcomer. ‘You must be new.’
answered the hairy man, ‘It’s a rule that if you fart, it implies that
you called for me.’

The huge man easily spun him around, put him over a bench and had his
way with the newcomer.

The newcomer staggered back to the colony office where he was greeted by
a smiling, naked receptionist, ‘May I help you?’ she asked.

‘Here’s my membership card. You can have the key back and you can keep
the $500 membership fee.’

‘But, Sir,’ she replied, ‘you’ve only been here a few hours. You haven’t
had a chance to see all our facilities.’

‘Listen lady, I’m 68 years old. I only get an erection once a month, but
I fart 15 times a day. I’m outta here.’

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Dangerous New Virus

Posted by jacktruong on October 23, 2008

A dangerous new virus is being distributed electronically. It is called
the Worm Overload Recreation Killer (WORK). You can get WORK from your
boss or colleagues. Do not touch it. The virus will wipe out your private
life.

If you come into contact with WORK, there are two antidotes. You can
purchase Work Isolating Neutralizer Extract (WINE) or Bothersome Employer
Elimination Rebooter (BEER). They’re available at your local grocery
store.

Take repeatedly until WORK has been completely eliminated. Forward this
warning to five friends. If you don’t have five friends, you’re already
infected with WORK and it is controlling your life.

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The least successful weather report

Posted by jacktruong on October 23, 2008

After very heavy rain in Jeddah in January 1979, the Arab News gave the following report:

“We are afraid that we are unable to give you a weather report. We usually get information about the weather from the airport, but the airport is closed today because of the weather. It is possible that we will be able to give you a weather report tomorrow, but only if the weather gets better.”

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