The M box

Posts Tagged ‘funny’

A Little Male Bashing

Posted by jacktruong on October 31, 2008

Q: Why do men become smarter during sex?
A: Because they are plugged into a genius.

Q: Why don’t women blink during foreplay?
A: They don’t have time.

Q: Why does it take 1 million sperm to fertilize 1 egg?
A: They won’t stop for directions.

Q: Why did God put men on earth?
A: Because a vibrator can’t mow the lawn.

Q: Why don’t women have men’s brains?
A: Because they don’t have penises to put them in.

Q: What do electric trains and breasts have in common?
A: They’re intended for children, but it’s the men who usually end up playing with them.

Q: Why do men snore when they lay on their backs?
A: Because their balls fall over their assholes and they vapor lock.

Q: Why do men masturbate?
A: It’s sex with someone they love.

Q: Why were men given larger brains than dogs?
A: So they won’t hump women’s legs at cocktail parties.

Q: Why did God make men before women?
A: You need a rough draft before you have a final copy.

Q: Why is a man’s pee yellow and his sperm white?
A: So he can tell if he is coming or going.

Q: How many men does it take to put the toilet seat down?
A: Nobody knows, it hasn’t happened yet.

Q: What is the thinnest book in the world?
A: What men know about women.

Q: How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One. Men will screw anything.

Q: How does a man take a bubble bath?
A: He eats beans for dinner.

Q: What’s a man’s idea of foreplay?
A: A half hour of begging.

Q: How can you tell if a man is sexually aroused?
A: He’s breathing

Q: What’s the difference between men and government bonds?
A: Government bonds mature.

Q: How do you save a man from drowning?
A: Take your foot off of his head.

Q: What do men an beer bottle have in common?
A: They are both empty from the head up.

Q: How can you tell if a man is happy?
A: Who cares?

Q: How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
A: We don’t know. It’s never happened.

Q: How are men and parking spots alike?
A: The good ones are always taken and the only ones left are handicapped.

Q: What is a man’s idea of helping out with housework?
A: Lifting his leg so you can vacuum.

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The Irish Doctor

Posted by jacktruong on October 29, 2008

A Doctor in Ireland wants to get off work and go play golf, so he approaches his assistant.

‘Seamus, I am going golfing tomorrow and don’t want to close the clinic,’ he says. ‘I want you to take care of the clinic and all me patients.’

‘Yes, sir!’ answers Seamus.

The doctor goes golfing, returns the following day and asks, ‘So, Seamus, how was your day?’

Seamus tells him that he took care of three patients. ‘The first one had a headache, so I gave him Tylenol.’

‘Bravo, Seamus, and the second one?’ asks the
doctor.

‘The second one had stomach burning and I gave him Maalox, sir,’ says Seamus.

‘Bravo, bravo! You’re good at this And what about th e third one?’ asks the doctor.

‘Sir, I was sitting here and suddenly the door opens and a woman bursts into the room. Quick as a wink she undresses herself, tearing off every stitch of clothing including her bra and her panties, and lies down on the table. She spreads her legs and shouts,

‘Help me, I beg you! It’s been five years since I’ve seen a man!’

‘Thunderin’ Lord Jesus, Seamus, what did you do?’ asks the doctor.

‘I put drops in her eyes.’

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Having sex on car

Posted by jacktruong on October 26, 2008

ok, here is some real hot stuff

Posted in Funny pictures | Tagged: , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment »

Memorandum

Posted by jacktruong on October 26, 2008

TO: All employees

FROM: The boss

DATE: January 28, 2008

RE: Foul Language

It has been brought to management’s attention that some individuals throughout the company have been using foul language during the course of normal conversation with their coworkers. Due to complaints received from some employees who are easily offended, this type of language will be no longer tolerated. We do, however, realize the critical importance of being able to accurately express your feelings when communicating with coworkers. Therefore, a list of new phrases has been provided so that proper exchange of ideas and information can continue in an effective manner without risk of offending our more sensitive employees.

TRY SAYING: Perhaps I can work late. INSTEAD OF: When the fuck do you expect me to do this?

TRY SAYING: I’m certain that is not feasible. INSTEAD OF: No fucking way!

TRY SAYING: Really? INSTEAD OF: You’ve got to be shitting me.

TRY SAYING: Perhaps you should check with . . . INSTEAD OF: Tell someone who gives a shit.

TRY SAYING: Of course I’m concerned. INSTEAD OF: Ask me if I give a shit.

TRY SAYING: I wasn’t involved in the project. INSTEAD OF: It’s not my fucking problem.

TRY SAYING: That’s interesting. INSTEAD OF: What the fuck?

TRY SAYING: I’m not sure I can implement this. INSTEAD OF: Fuck it, it won’t work.

TRY SAYING: I’ll try to schedule that. INSTEAD OF: Why the hell didn’t you tell me sooner?

TRY SAYING: Are you sure this is a problem? INSTEAD OF: Who the fuck cares?

TRY SAYING: He’s not familiar with the problem. INSTEAD OF: He’s got his head up his ass.

TRY SAYING: So you weren’t happy with it? INSTEAD OF: Kiss my ass.

TRY SAYING: I’m a bit overloaded at this moment. INSTEAD OF: Fuck it, I’m on salary.

TRY SAYING: I don’t think you understand. INSTEAD OF: Shove it up your ass.

TRY SAYING: I love a challenge. INSTEAD OF: This job sucks.

TRY SAYING: You want me to take care of that? INSTEAD OF: Who the hell died and made you boss?

TRY SAYING: I see. INSTEAD OF: Bite me.

TRY SAYING: Yes, we really should discuss it. INSTEAD OF: Another fucking meeting?

TRY SAYING: I don’t think this will be a problem. INSTEAD OF: I really don’t give a shit.

TRY SAYING: He’s somewhat insensitive. INSTEAD OF: He’s a fucking prick.

TRY SAYING: She’s an aggressive go-getter. INSTEAD OF: She’s a ball-busting bitch.

TRY SAYING: I think you could use more training. INSTEAD OF: What the fuck are you doing?

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Ask your boss for salary increase

Posted by jacktruong on October 25, 2008

One day an employee sends a letter to his boss asking for an increase in his salary!!!

Dear Bo$$

In thi$ life, we all need $ome thing mo$t de$perately.
I think you $hould be under$tanding of the need$ of u$ worker$ who have given $o much $upport including $weat and $ervice to your company
I am $ure you will gue$$ what I mean and re$pond $oon

Your$ $incerely

Norman $oh

The next day, the employee received this letter of reply

Dear NOrman

I kNOw you have been working very hard. NOwadays, NOthing much has changed. You must have NOticed that our company is NOt doing NOticeably well as yet

NOw the newspaper are saying the world`s leading ecoNOmists are NOt sure if the United States may go into aNOther recession. After the NOvember presidential elections things may turn bad

I have NOthing more to add NOw. You kNOw what I mean

Yours truly
Manager

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Nudist club

Posted by jacktruong on October 23, 2008

A man joined a very exclusive nudist colony.

On his first day he took off his clothes and started to wander around
the area.

A gorgeous petite blonde walked by, and the man immediately got an
erection.

The woman noticed his erection, came over to him and asked, did you call
for me?’

The man replied, ‘No, what do you mean?’ She said, ‘You must be new
here.

Let me explain. It’s a rule here that if you get an erection, it implies
you called for me.’

Smiling, she lead him to the side of the swimming pool, laid down on a
towel eagerly pulled him to her and happily let him have his way with
her.

Later, the man continued to explore the colony’s facilities. He entered
the sauna and as he sat down, he farted.

Within seconds a huge, hairy man lumbered out of the steam room toward
him. ‘Did you call for me?’ asked the hairy man.

‘No, what do you mean?’ replied the newcomer. ‘You must be new.’
answered the hairy man, ‘It’s a rule that if you fart, it implies that
you called for me.’

The huge man easily spun him around, put him over a bench and had his
way with the newcomer.

The newcomer staggered back to the colony office where he was greeted by
a smiling, naked receptionist, ‘May I help you?’ she asked.

‘Here’s my membership card. You can have the key back and you can keep
the $500 membership fee.’

‘But, Sir,’ she replied, ‘you’ve only been here a few hours. You haven’t
had a chance to see all our facilities.’

‘Listen lady, I’m 68 years old. I only get an erection once a month, but
I fart 15 times a day. I’m outta here.’

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Dangerous New Virus

Posted by jacktruong on October 23, 2008

A dangerous new virus is being distributed electronically. It is called
the Worm Overload Recreation Killer (WORK). You can get WORK from your
boss or colleagues. Do not touch it. The virus will wipe out your private
life.

If you come into contact with WORK, there are two antidotes. You can
purchase Work Isolating Neutralizer Extract (WINE) or Bothersome Employer
Elimination Rebooter (BEER). They’re available at your local grocery
store.

Take repeatedly until WORK has been completely eliminated. Forward this
warning to five friends. If you don’t have five friends, you’re already
infected with WORK and it is controlling your life.

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The least successful weather report

Posted by jacktruong on October 23, 2008

After very heavy rain in Jeddah in January 1979, the Arab News gave the following report:

“We are afraid that we are unable to give you a weather report. We usually get information about the weather from the airport, but the airport is closed today because of the weather. It is possible that we will be able to give you a weather report tomorrow, but only if the weather gets better.”

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Funny pictures of church

Posted by jacktruong on October 5, 2008

Who say going to church is boring? Some churches managed to bring something fun along while serving God as well

Yup, the churches are always good at that

And don’t make Him angry

Church with mixed message

A little bit too strict

Hey, that one is near my house

Look like there’s someone who really hate Harry Reid

Take this, Larry

I second this

Side note: many people drive 15 MPH more than the speed limit in Texas

Who say Wal Mart is the only saving place?

Many people don’t know this, but…..

This guy is plain awesome

Finally, my favorite

Posted in Funny pictures | Tagged: , , , , | 1 Comment »

Hi-tech classical headset FTW

Posted by jacktruong on September 28, 2008

ok, what is the main reason you want to use a cellphone? Because you can’t bring your home telephone around all the time

Next, what is the main reason why we use a headset(wire or wireless)? Because we human only have two hand, and we want to make the most out of our hands(to apply make-up while driving for example)

And, here is a product that doesn’t fit or solve the two problem addressed above: THIS IS IT

No, this is not a funny picture, this is an ACTUAL product that is on sale right now on a website I know.

Just take a look, a very gay original idea, but I just don’t understand, if they want to use a phone like that, why not this:


I don’t see any problem by using an actual home phone in stead of a home phone-imitation-headset like that. Maybe thay think it will look cool when they use that thing? I don’t know. And, they even went as far as creating a bluetooth headset like that

Yes, finally, I can have the pleasure of holding a bluetooth headset in my hand all the time, I really don’t like the idea of having that little thing on my ear, and I wonder what other people will think about me. Do I look stupid cooler? I don’t know, but just imagine when I walk down the street, talking with my friends with that retard classic headset in my hand, really give me the thrill.

anyway, if you ever think of purchasing one to use( believe me, it can be a deadly weapon if you have to do hand-to-hand combat) or make it a little gift on April 1st (instead of a whole fish skeleton like usual), visit GraveYardMall for more detail

http://www.graveyardmall.com/idcephha.html

Posted in Hi-tech stuffs | Tagged: , , , , , , | 1 Comment »